Cottage Romance

Day to day living can take its toll on a relationship; busy schedules can relegate private time with each other to the back burner. What can be a better remedy than slipping away somewhere quiet where you can be the only two people in the world?

Getting away to the cottage can be a spontaneous or planned occasion, and with a little mental preparation it can put the spark back into your love life, or take the passion even higher.

Preventive and healing care for a relationship

Some of the ideas on this page are targeted at people who are having difficulty relating to each other, whereas other ideas are perfect for those who just want to take time away together.

Relationships require nurturing on a number of levels: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual (whatever your religious outlook might be). Sometimes, just showing that you are willing to make the effort to make time for each other is a good start.

Most often problems in relationships arise when one partner feels neglected - intentionally or not. This can be compounded with a lack of communication leaving the other person to believe that everything is all right, until it reaches a critical point where it is hard to turn things around. Ignoring it either because of a fear of what might be said or simply denying to yourself that there might be a problem only ensures that it won't be solved.

Time alone together with no outside distractions forces you to really look at your partner, and reacquaint yourself with him or her as a person - outside of daily roles (whether they are familial, community, or business).

On top of that, time at the cottage can be a retreat: restorative, healing, grounding, and centering for body, mind, and soul. How wonderful would it be to share that with the one you love?

Where to start

While planning a surprise trip might not be the ideal route for every couple, keeping the details secret while letting your partner know the general information (when, how long, what to pack) can heighten the sense of anticipation.

Plan to leave the outside world behind completely - no television, no laptop, no distractions of any kind. You will want to make time to talk and connect and just do those things that have been pushed aside.

The ideal cottage for reconnecting is a secluded waterfront location, with lots of land for taking walks. If you are renting a property for this purpose, see about properties with a hot tub or sauna - being relaxed goes a long way

Don't stay too long. For most people three days is the maximum amount of time that they can spend without any outside contact or activities before getting "antsy". Pushing it past the point of relaxation and forcing your partner to concentrate only on you will defeat the purpose of the vacation. By day three, start factoring separate activities, or things you can do together that don't focus specifically on your relationship.

What to do

Talk. If you are having problems, this might be more difficult than anticipated. It requires the commitment of both people.
If you aren't having problems, this can be a good time keep connected.
Make it fun; make it a discovery. Make it your goal to learn three things you didn't know about your partner.

Take a long walk. Unfamiliar sites and sounds make a good starting point for conversations; you'll be surprised where it can lead. Hold hands, which leads us to:

Touch. Touch serves both therapeutic and bonding purposes. Western society has moved away from hugging and friendly forms of touching (with reasons) and relegated it to the confines of relationships or therapeutic/clinical settings.
Touch need not be sexual to be binding; a cuddle, a hug, or a kiss all can be stress-relieving as much as a neck and upper back massage.
Allow for non-sexual touching as well as sexual; no pressure / no rejection touching that is purely about building intimacy.
Shower or bathe together - wash each other's backs, fronts, and see where it goes from there.

Take a nap together. Sleeping in the same bed every night is one thing, but how often do you curl up together in the afternoon? This can be a decadent and luxurious treat and represent how very far away from the everyday this vacation really is.

What to take

Here are some ideas for spicing up your weekend and adding a romantic edge to your environment.

• Essential oils. Different scents have different therapeutic effects, transporting you to a long ago time, or bring something new that will become a trigger of the memories you are creating this weekend.
• Scented soy candles. Combine the soft romantic glow of these soot-free candles with the healing properties of the embedded scents.
• Environmentally-friendly Bath salts and/or oils. Depending on the septic system at the cottage, baths may be out of the question unless you can recycle the water.
• Massage oils (vegetable-based only), and a massage guide
• Mosquito netting. Even in the winter this can be a mood-setting addition to the bedroom.
• Sensuous bedding. Even if you are renting a cottage with linens included, consider purchasing a satiny finished set of sheets to give that additional luxury to your stay.
• Cream or natural slipcovers for chairs and chesterfields. Especially if you have lived with the furnishings for years, you can give the environment a new and exotic look.
• Small gifts. If you are bringing your gifts as a surprise, make sure they are small, guilt-free items that won't make your partner feel like he or she has nothing to offer you in return or that they are obligated to you in anyway. A gift should be about bringing pleasure to the recipient, after all.
• Music. Bring your favourite CDs, music that you share in common, and something that maybe you don't particularly enjoy but your partner does.

Enjoy each other!